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chel
chillay
          While waiting for my aunt on a grocery, I sat in a corner of a food booth. A lady asked me if I can share a sit. I looked up and noticed a bandana covering her head, as a nurse I immediately assumed that sh is undergoing a "treatment." She begun chatting with me, she told me she is undergoing  Chemotherapy for quite sometime. She is on her 4th stage of her Breast Cancer.
         As I talked to her, I tried to hide my sadness between my timid smiles. She introduced my to her husband and two young daughter. They seemed happy and all but they cannot hide a sadness on their eyes. Our conversation went on to different treatment procedures and modalities to the reaction of the chemo on her body. She was diagnosed late and before she knew it her breast have to be removed. Her cancer already metastasized. I have seen a lot of cancer patient but often inside the hospital. Seldom I see  someone at this stage on public place.
       I was surprised when she asked me, "Do you think I can still have the chances of survival?" I was caught on that for a few seconds. I was somewhat surprised, because I know patient like her already has the knowledge of what is coming. As a nurse we had studied how to respond to questions such as this. No false reassurance. The patient should always know the truth. I am used to answering such question but responding to such had never failed to break my heart. My answer, " God is gracious and merciful, only He knows what is best for us. Never loose your faith no matter what." I still do not know if my answer was enough. I could have said something more inspirational but I also wanted to limit my answer. I do not want to break her heart or maybe break my emotion further.
     We know that death is a part of our mortality. Maybe it had happen to one of our family member or love ones. We just fail acknowledge that it can happen to us until it had occur. Now I realized that the lady is luckier that some of us. She already knew that her life could end any day soon. She has the time to prepare for that.
     Most of us are now prepared for death. Filipino customs had taught us never to talk about it or even anticipate it. There are even dozens of traditional rites and sayings during death and funeral. Some of the sayings elder use to scare kids while some are too exaggerated. I think she already know the truth but in some way she is still trying to hold on because of her family.
     I think that we should always be prepared for it. Not that we are wishing for death to happen. We should always arm our self like a warrior on fight. Because we are really living everyday of our lives fighting, We are not just aware of it. I guess our only weapon is faith. When all had failed us, we can only hang on to this one.
      

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